Almost every grief thought, feeling and behaviour is considered normal. And although society doesn’t generally consider this to be true, crying is really a gift because it allows for the release of some of these thoughts and feelings.
Even though people seem to be uncomfortable with grief, this does not mean that there is something wrong with you as you grieve. You are still okay even if you are a confused mess. It might feel like you are alone in the mess but if you reach out, you will probably find someone to walk alongside you on this journey.
It might help you to know that no matter how bad you feel, you will survive this. There is no way to know how long it will take. It takes as long as it takes so be patient with yourself and with others around you.
Some things that might help you:
This is not the time to make any major changes in your life. For example, moving does not help you escape the grief. Grief is very hard to endure but it is normal and healthy. It is your way of honouring the relationship you had with the person. Grief acknowledges the pain that we experience when that person is taken from our lives but it follows us wherever we go.
It is important to remember to eat small, healthy meals. Going for walks might help dealing with the emotions and get you out of the house. Even though you may feel like you want to be alone all the time, you will probably benefit from being with other caring people, especially if you are honest with them about your feelings.
It might be helpful to let them know, in advance, if you find yourself crying frequently and unexpectedly. But just as you know that you would support someone else who is crying or sad, so would they offer that same comfort to you. So, you don’t need to try to keep it all together. Be yourself and let the feelings happen.
Some final tips:
Let time pass and then let more time pass. This journey takes time whether you want it to or not. Try to get enough rest. Grieving takes a lot of energy. Let the memories flow. As we think about and/or share our memories, we encourage our own healing.
Oftentimes, experiencing a loss through death gives us a fresh perspective of what is really important in our lives. Hang on to that. Be really patient with yourself if you don’t ‘get over it’ right away but also don’t overdo the grief. Finding that balance again will also help with your healing. There are a variety of organizations that provide bereavement support including your local hospice society or a counsellor.
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